a little rant about what i am and what i am not and how it affects my readers.

so here it is. i'm NOT a photographer. i'm NOT a graphic designer. and i don't want to be. i'm NOT a web designer, SEO expert, marketing guru, social media junkie, a fashion or decorating genius. and i don't want to be. (ok...maybe i DO want to be a fashion and decorating expert.)

what i AM is a mother, a wife, a writer, a health food nut, a lover of music...especially worship music, a follower of Christ, a friend, a daughter, a lover of my house and making it pretty, an average sewer, an avid reader.

i AM exaggerative but not dramatic. i am tired frequently, frustrated frequently, sad frequently because life is just too real sometimes. i am an over-thinker.

i used to be optimistic, glass-half-full. i want to be that again. i used to be a good listener. i want to be that again. i used to be a serious dreamer. i want to be that again.

what's strange about these revelations is that for the past couple of years, i've mainly been focusing on what i am NOT. i've been so focused on trying to become something else, someone else, that i've practically forgotten who i actually am.

but i'm done with that. i'm looking around and realizing that i need to give more, a lot more of myself to my family, my friends, and my community. and not give on a shallow level to make people happy or to make people like me, but give deeply and sincerely.

i've been so focused on me, turned inward, completely self-involved. our society is the perfect hotbed for such a mentality. with our ultra-shallow relationships perpetuated by all the social networks available, it's easy to forget how to be real, deep, sincere with a few people closest to you. it's easy to become self-involved, selfish. oddly, we're so "connected" but we're more lonely than ever before. depression is more prevalent than ever before.

it seems like the more i've turned inward, the more depressed, anxious, and dissatisfied i've become. it's time to turn around, face out, face the sun, face people.

so...what does that mean for my blog? for starters, it's no longer going to consume my life. if i want to write, i will. if i don't, i won't. i'm not going to spend time trying to make my pictures gallery-ready. that's never going to happen anyway! i'm going to write more, photoshop less, and write more about what's on my mind and heart. it's going to become more of a journal. if people want to read it, great! i want to share, but my ultimate goal will no longer be to add a sponsor or have the best post or get my numbers up.

thanks for coming with me on this journey...whoever you are out there! i'll "see" ya around!

Comments

[KARA]

AMEN! I will be happy to read when you post and happy to know you are spending time doing what YOU want when you are away. Take care.

Love the clothing that we ordered from your store a few weeks ago.

Kara- Ratcliff USA.

[Sarah Jane]

Thanks, Kara! Glad you loved your order!

[Evie]

Right on sister. xo

[Grace]

I absolutely agree with every word in your post. Let's go get lunch soon and talk about things we love and about the people we love. Just to let you in on my balancing act of a blog and family life; I only post Mon/Wed/Fri...and only if I want to. I want to share my ideas with the world, I don't care if my posts receive one hundred comments or none, my satisfaction is in sharing a little piece of my heart and my mind and hoping that it makes someone else's day a little brighter.

[Sue]

HI, I read this from a reposting and I think you should send it to The Good Woman Project. They are always wanting contributors and I think your blog today will be just what they are looking for! Blessings on seeing the best in all GOd has blessed you with!

Sue

[Sarah Jane]

Thanks for the tip, Sue. Ill check it out!

[Grace]

This is so well written and I really appreciate it. It has made me think for days. It's a good reminder and it comes at a time when I've also been evaluating who I am. I've written some too to help me process but have felt too insecure to share with the world. I admire your bravery, and as always look forward to reading your blog :). And good luck with Lula's room- love all of your ideas!

[xgravity23]

I think who you are is AWESOME and I want to hang out more. Maybe we could even run a little... I'm thinking about slowly getting back into it. And I mean "slowly" about "getting into it" AND about running slowly. :)

[Jessi]

this was a great post - I often focus on what I am not - it's so hard not to in the sea of blog where everyone seems to have charmed lives. I have to try and remind myself that they don't

[Sarah Jane]

Yep, Jessi. They SO dont!